Paper: Happiness

Why happiness scares me

Happiness scares me in ways that unhappiness never did.

Today I woke up happy and went to work happy because I had a really good weekend. In the middle of the day I became disquieted. I realized I was afraid of how various areas of my life are coming together and how happy I am becoming. I did not understand when a friend recently told me that she is so happy, she is scared.  I have chased happiness for so long that I could not imagine being scared of it. Whenever happiness enters my life, I revel in it because I desire it so much. Today I understand how happiness can be so overwhelming as to be frightening.

Unhappiness feels endless. The well of self-loathing and despair never runs dry. At a certain point, negative emotions become comforting. They are dependable, stable, and self-maintaining. Unhappiness is an unwelcome house-guest. If it stays, fine; you learn how to live and work around it. If it leaves, that's even better; life improves.

Happiness, on the other hand, is fragile. When it leaves, life is less bright. Happiness feels limited, in quantity and in scope. It is easily taken away and requires constant maintenance. In the past year my happiness quotient has increased so much that it feels like a rapidly built house of cards. Somehow I will screw up and collapse the whole structure. However, dwelling on these thoughts serves no purpose other than becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. While this may seem like a depressing post, it is is not. It is a simple reminder to embrace happiness whenever and in whatever form it comes in. Life is a cycle of ups and downs; both phases have their purposes.

Happiness is a bubble. It is delicate and fragile, but it brings beauty and delight. Enjoy happiness when it enters your life.
  
What has brought joy into your life this month?

Live and Defy the Lies

My 30 Days project had many reasons and many beginnings. I talked about the immediate inspiration on day 1. The reason I focused on posters is because I had experience designing posters for fun last year. At the time, I was completing my final accounting class for a professional certificate. Since I read the material before the lecture, I rarely paid attention in class. Instead, I doodled ideas on posters for supporting runners at races or giving out free sunscreen during Dyke March.  Since posters are disposable, making them did not stress me. Rather than trying to perfect every detail, I have fun with posters. Ideas were easy to generate and to execute.

A year later, I'm doodling and painting posters again for Dyke March. I had squeezed out too much paint and used it up on this poster. This question is from a discussion with a friend from a few months ago. Considering my mindset at the time, it is a fair assumption the topic involved existential crisis. At one point she asked me, "What lie are you telling yourself about yourself?"  I didn't understand her question at the time. I thought I always honestly assessed who I am and what I am capable of.

I am actively a positive person; I focus on the positive and present the positive side of everything. Life is too short to dwell on the negatives and I'm happier when I can see the joy in everything. However, sometimes one needs to understand the negative to move forward. In the past few months I realized that my lie is "I am not enough." I am not active enough, I am not thin enough, I am not social enough, I am not smart enough, I am not talented enough, I am not queer enough, I am not nice enough, I am not empathic enough, I am not caring enough, I am not engaging enough. Because I am not enough and I fail the standards in everything, I belong nowhere and no one enjoys my company.

Those were lies that had been internalized without my awareness. Now that I know what my lies are, I no longer believe in them. I share this with you so you can understand what I mean when I ask you:

What lie is society telling you? Live and defy it.

Day 32: Siesta

Day 32

Sleep deprivation is standard in our fast-paced and tightly scheduled society. A lack of sleep is exalted as proof of one's passion, ambition, and dedication. I, however, require eight hours of sleep to be fully functional. I loved vacationing in a country where afternoon naps are customary.  Even though the tradition of the siesta has declined in Madrid, I napped every day. The afternoon sun is very hot and a nap is the perfect way to wait for the heat to break. After my afternoon naps, I visited art museums during their free hours.

Museo Nacional del Prado, post-nap

This concludes my trip and my 30 day challenge. I hope the posters made you laugh or inspired you. Thanks for reading! 

How many hours of sleep do you need to be fully functional, and how many hours do you actually get?

Day 31: Chocolate for breakfast

Day 31: Chocolate

Breakfast is the smallest meal of the day in Spain. The typical breakfast is a cup of coffee and a roll. Tourists are encouraged to eat hot chocolate and churros. Churros are long pieces of fried dough; they are dipped into the hot chocolate. It is similar to eating a chocolate covered doughnut for breakfast, but the chocolate is really good and comes on the side. While I rarely eat doughnuts at home, I happily consumed churros with hot chocolate for breakfast in Spain. One adjustment to being home is not drinking chocolate every day.  I loved the thickness of Spanish hot chocolate. It reminded me of the fancy hot chocolate served in places such as San Francisco's  Dandelion or New York City's Jacques Torres. It is amazing.

After breakfast in Granada, I watched bullfighting in Madrid

What is your typical breakfast at home? How does it change when you vacation?

Day 30: Plan Nothing, Enjoy Everything

Day 30

Granada was the least planned portion of my vacation and it was my favorite part. I decided to visit Granada when I was in Madrid. Booking only a hostel, I arrived in Granada with a hope of seeing the Alhambra, a beautiful Islamic palace with a fortress and gardens. General admission tickets and the more expensive guided tours were sold out online. A select number of tickets are held for sale every day. When a hostel mate said they planned to wake up at 5:30am to stand in line for tickets, I asked to join.

Four of us left the hostel at 6:15am and lined up at 6:45am to wait for the box office to open at 8am.  Seeing the entire Alhambra takes about four hours. I love symmetry so I loved the palace. It was the Islamic artitecture I had hoped to see but did not see during my Morocco tour. The details are amazing and everything is beautiful. I was so happy to have people to share the experience.

Although traveling solo has its advantages, I like sharing experiences with people. Being spontaneous allowed me to do so. If I had been able to purchase tickets before Granada, I would have gone alone. Instead, I met people at the hostel and we spent the entire day together.

After lunch we walked along the water and up to the caves where gypsies live.  The path is hilly, gravely, and not apparent. I would not have done or found that walk on my own. The view at the top was amazing. MJ pointed out graffiti that stated "el mundo todos a los pies", the world is at our feet. The view caused B to blurt out "It's a good thing that none of us had our shit together." I agree.

Granada, as viewed from the Alhambra

What has been your experiences with hostels, good or bad?

Day 29: Wine

Day 29

My travel destinations are based on my stomach because I like to experience local food and drink. Even though I rarely drink alcohol at home, I drank wine twice a day in Spain. During lunch restaurants offer a menu of the day which consisted of a starter, entree, dessert and a glass of wine for a set price. Spain also offers tapas, small snacks, with drinks. When I checked into my hostel in Granada, which is well-known for its tapas, the owner told me that some places provide a dinner plate of food. My first night in Granada was spent walking in the streets and drinking tinto de verano at bars. Tinto de verano is a refreshing cocktail made of lemon soda and red wine. It is the perfect drink for a lightweight drinker.  

Spain: View on the bus from Madrid to Granada

What food or drink do you consume on vacation that is not usual in your daily life?

Day 28: Night walks

Day 28

Based on American schedules, Moroccans and Spaniards eat their dinner late around 10:30pm or 11pm. This makes the nightlife a different experience. Nightlife is not prioritized on my vacations. I tend to wake up early, visit sites before other tourists wake, and then go to bed early. Spain allowed me to stroll around late at night among people who were out to dinner rather than to get drunk.  I enjoyed how the streets felt lively and safe. By the time Madrid's nightlife started for the partiers, I was asleep in my hostel.

Madrid evening

How do you spend your evenings on vacations?