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| Why happiness scares me |
Today I woke up happy and went to work happy because I had a really good weekend. In the middle of the day I became disquieted. I realized I was afraid of how various areas of my life are coming together and how happy I am becoming. I did not understand when a friend recently told me that she is so happy, she is scared. I have chased happiness for so long that I could not imagine being scared of it. Whenever happiness enters my life, I revel in it because I desire it so much. Today I understand how happiness can be so overwhelming as to be frightening.
Unhappiness feels endless. The well of self-loathing and despair never runs dry. At a certain point, negative emotions become comforting. They are dependable, stable, and self-maintaining. Unhappiness is an unwelcome house-guest. If it stays, fine; you learn how to live and work around it. If it leaves, that's even better; life improves.
Happiness, on the other hand, is fragile. When it leaves, life is less bright. Happiness feels limited, in quantity and in scope. It is easily taken away and requires constant maintenance. In the past year my happiness quotient has increased so much that it feels like a rapidly built house of cards. Somehow I will screw up and collapse the whole structure. However, dwelling on these thoughts serves no purpose other than becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. While this may seem like a depressing post, it is is not. It is a simple reminder to embrace happiness whenever and in whatever form it comes in. Life is a cycle of ups and downs; both phases have their purposes.
Happiness is a bubble. It is delicate and fragile, but it brings beauty and delight. Enjoy happiness when it enters your life.
What has brought joy into your life this month?
Even more than seeing the sites on my vacation, being able to have time to meet up with old friends during the trip.
ReplyDeleteYes, it's so nice to see old friends and to pick up where you last saw each other.
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